rest in peace ty, love you foorever and a day
R.I.P dad, i miss you and love you
I don’t know anyone who has commited suicide but Rest In Peace <3
Rip to my future self
Rest easy Taylor, we miss you so much bud
RIP Cheyenne & Coltyn<3 I miss you both so much.
RIP Rachel I love you so much
I love you and miss you so much dad, I really hope I get to see you again some day.
its quite amazing to see the loved ones of all the people who took their lives saying they miss them, they probably thought they were the most unloved people in the entire world
I don’t think I can talk to anyone about what goes through my mind. I can’t even confront myself. It scares me.
I find myself just wanting to cry about 99% of the time, and I have to stop myself because I’m surrounded by people. Surrounded by people that I don’t like and that I don’t want to deal with.
I’ve been making myself sick. Working myself up over issues that don’t exist.
I think I need to get some help, but I don’t want help at the same time.
I’m confused, scared and alone. No matter how many people say that they are here for me, they don’t understand the inner workings of my mind.
I haven’t written in a while, but I feel like I am slowly losing myself and I’m not sure how to find my way back. And it scares me. Help.
uhm… even if you don’t believe in God, please keep my grandmother in your prayers.
I made a mature decision tonight.
For now on, I’m going to pick my battles wisely and try (keyword, try) to apologize when things are uncomfortable.
But there still are some things that I can and will never forgive or get over.
That’s just life.
I’m not taking care of myself all too well again. And I don’t know what to do to fix this.
I haven’t felt well in a week. I haven’t been happy in months. No matter how hard I try to be happy, I can’t. I can only fake it. That’s as good as it’s gonna get.
Part of me thinks I might be depressed. The other part just thinks I’m being pathetic.
I need help.
At work today I was serving a table with a mixture race between black and white women between the ages of 30 and 70.
The older women were black and the younger were white (I’m not trying to offend anyone it’s just how it’s coming out for me) and the younger white woman demanded a drink from me, was rude and did not say please or thank you besides smirking at me. On the other side of her was the older black woman probably around her 60s that said to me “Honey, do you believe in God?”. I know that the subject of God has always been iffy with me. But when she asked that question I realized my issue isn’t with God it’s with the Catholic Church (that is kind of off the subject). Anyways, the snobby white woman had said “She is so rude, I think she needs fired.” The other woman replied to her comment by saying “Mam, you don’t know her story. If you would respect her she would respect you.” For the rest of the day the woman who stood up for me kept telling me not to worry about anything, that she has my back.
She was one of the sweetest people I have ever met. And I thank God for people like that. It helps me believe that there really is a God out there and that there are some decent people in the world, somewhere.
I thought I was ready to watch a movie about cancer (it’s called 50/50). I’m not ready. 20minutes in and I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch it.
I am a mess of tears and kleenex and I wish my aunt was back. I wish cancer never existed. I wish cancer died.
Even though my dad didn’t go to college or wasn’t the top of his class in high school, I really do think he is brilliant. To me, he is the smartest person I know, and always will be.
And I love him dearly. I wish I spent so much more time with him. And I know that I can fix this. I have no excuse as to why I don’t see him as much as I should.
Yeah I work, and yeah I do like to hang out with my friends. However, I just love my dad oh so much and I don’t feel like I hang out with him enough.
I need to change that before it’s too late. Dad, if you were to somehow read this somewhere down the line and realize it’s me, I love you a lot and even though we don’t say it all the time, I know that you know I do and I know that you love me too.
It’s 12:10 AM, barely into the 16th day of June.
I’ve already had a set back. I’ve been trying so hard to not worry about things. But it doesn’t work I guess. Why does it always resort to a guy being my downfall?
I need more willpower. I need the power to not pay attention to him. I need the power to not let the things he says hurt me. I need the power to get over him. I just don’t know how to obtain it.
I just need some time to work on myself. Until then, I might just wallow in my self misery some more. Why not? I do it all the time now.